I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
