walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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