Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
