Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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