Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
