I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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