the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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