dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
