I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
