Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
