:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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