he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
