on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
