I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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