The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
