Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We were destined to go to rehab together
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
