I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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