i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
