gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
