Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
