I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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