my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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