who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
No stitches, just platelets and will power
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
