ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Me too!
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
