Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
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