ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
