The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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