their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
