the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
