well you can't waste a boner
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
