I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
