I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
