some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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