I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
