If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize