i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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