WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize