Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
