I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
