I just pynch a tree in the face
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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