he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
