bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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