Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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