She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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