The maid of honor just puked.
kristin has been a bad kristin
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
