I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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