You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
