piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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