Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
