Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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