What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
