ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
