He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
