I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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