You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
