i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
