Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
