Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
