If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
