I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
