So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I forgot how hot balto sounded
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
