So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
