My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
