I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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