You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Someone came in the potted fern
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
