i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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