I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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