she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
