hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
