You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
