Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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