My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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