FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize