the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
