shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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