so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
