party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize