The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My ass is underappreciated
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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