She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
