When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
