Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
dude i'm inner monologue high
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
