Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
